Symptoms have been bothering me the last five days. Again, nothing as severe as they used to be. But it’s taking a toll nonetheless. Especially the insomnia. Last night, I think I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Today there is a lot of pressure in my face. I can feel it in my ears and my eyes. Physical problems don’t bother me much though. My mental condition is poor today. I could deal with physical problems any day. Feeling like you’re 60 seconds away from a nervous break down all day is a lot of work. It feels increasingly difficult when you’ve had a lack of sleep. I’m trying to understand exactly what that feels like. I think it is the lack of ability to regulate or control emotions. For example, imagine how you feel after you run a sprint. You breathe heavily, your heart beats fast. but after a few minutes you calm down. In my condition, I don’t need to run a sprint to make my heart race and run out of breath. And if I get in that condition, I don’t think I can get back to normal so easily.
It’s important for me to remember that I did have four or five good days in a row. From around May 28th to June 1st, I felt pretty good. One of those days, I even felt great with almost no symptoms at all.
These days, I spend a lot of my time simply looking forward to the next window. Right now at 10:00 am, I would simply like to take a long nap, to catch up on that missed sleep, and hopefully wake up feeling much better.