In about 20 more days, I will be finished with my micro-tapering process. That will not heal me, but I do believe it will provide a positive mental shift. Already the amount of medicine (I mean poison) that I take is so small that it probably has no effect other than preventing additional shock from withdrawing too quickly.

The recovery process from benzos is long and enduring. It is like watching a tree grow. Every day, I face a variety of symptoms. However, the windows of relief seem to be lasting longer.

Presently, my body aches. It starts at the small of my back and runs throughout my right leg. It is not a pain that I can’t endure, but it is enough to keep me awake at night. It is a nagging pain that flows. And there is no stretch to relieve it. Tylenol has been ineffective in the past. Benzo pains are unique in that sense. Regardless, I will try a Tylenol, as at some point it should begin to make a difference.

I have become much better at accepting my symptoms. Of course my symptoms are lessening, which makes it easier to do. It is nice to have developed a sense of calmness that I can use to my advantage.

That sense of calmness is spreading beyond acceptance. I am beginning to improve at my ability to become more present in situations that might have caused distress and thrown my mind into a panic from which it could not think or function clearly. That clarity is very much welcomed and I hope that it continues to improve throughout this entire healing process.

I find myself meditating more often. Particularly at night, when I can not sleep, But also during the day, when symptoms have caused emotional unrest. Currently it is 3am. Unfortunately I am not so skilled at meditating through pain. I attempt it, but with less success, hence the reason I’m awake.

Meditation is the only true relief that I have at my disposal. When this is all through and as the distraction of symptoms continue to dissipate, I suspect I will be very skilled at calling upon an inner strength or calmness whenever I need it.