I feel like it has been a difficult two weeks. I hadn’t been taking any notes, so I’m not sure if it has been more difficult or less difficult than previous weeks. All I know for certain, is that I did not have very many “window“ days or even times.
Actually, the first week after my cut was fairly easy. I was feeling good prior to that, as well, which is why I made my cut. But the second week was terrible. Physical symptoms were unrelentless, and the chaos and confusion that the withdrawal plays on your mind was a nightmare. There was no break From the agony that I can remember for a solid 5 days and nights. At least that’s how I remember it. It’s likely, that there were some brief periods of relief. I’m certain that the physical discomfort takes a backseat to tricks that withdrawal plays on your mind.
Even so, at least I can say panic attacks seem to be a thing of the past. What tortured me this last week was a different kind of fear. My mind was exhausted. It was working overtime 24/7 and not getting any sleep at night. I started believing that I was destined to the mental torture and could not endure it. It was a feeling of complete hopelessness. Of course, that sort of negativity only fuels the fire, so I did my best to challenge that way of thinking.
Just in the last two days, I’ve found that I’m able to pull my mind out of that negativity. When I’m able to do that, the physical symptoms hardly phase me at all. Hopefully I’m onto something. I really want to believe that I have enough control over my outlook. I would like to believe that my mind is adjusting to these extreme changes.
I will be micro tapering for my future cuts. This last week is not something I want to repeat again. But I do feel like I’m finally coming out of it.